Today, I cried alone in the train. Why am I doing this again!?!? Cos I'm useless!

It's really depressing when the effort of my hard work is not being recognized. Missing my friend's burial ceremony, reducing number of days going back to Indonesia, the effort of staying up overnight reading the journals till morning, who can understand my difficulties? When ppl don see it and experience it, ppl don understand..

Ya.. No choice. Who ask me being born with such level of intelligence and so SLOW! such tat even how hard I work for the FYP, my contributions will be just that minimal!

"these information r not relevant, smoke machine, dunno about stats, do u even know what we r talking about? can u say sth more useful?, u've done a good job for 'Data Collection', hmmm... Good contribution!"

Nobody's gonna listen to ur ideas when U'r stupid. Ppl will conclude them as 'another rubbish again' and don even bother to listen to u. But I shouldn't blame others cos I deserve the harsh comments that I regard them as jokes. oh but I AM THE JOKE! Jokes r not stupid but I AM STUPID!

Alright. Everyone might think that I am being too sensitive cos those are just the jokes to brighten up the stressful FYP meetings. But have anyone imagine that, the serious and hard work I put in for the project are being joked around? And all those jokes really demoralised me. I actually don mind initially but there is a limit to it.

A recent online conversation with Maina: c'mon! Don jus keep praising me.. U r also a hardworking n responsible person. U'll be successful in future.

Really?

Hard work n persreverence can really pay off? Can contribute more to FYP?

But not in my case cos I AM STUPID!

The level of stupidity has reached the extent when I wanna express my ideas about the report I couldn't even explain well. This is what we call STUPID!

I always think that I'm blessed with 3 very good FYP teammates. I really enjoy working with them BUT MY STUPIDITY SCREWED IT! My hard work and contribution don seem to be recognised anymore! I always late, I cant produce better ideas, I always leave early, my laptop is useless, having me in a group is so unfortunate!!!

Oh, don worry man, as long as u work hard, u will succeed, ur hard work will pay off, u can do it, rajin pangkal pandai.

BULL SHIT!

Stupid means stupid. Useless means useless! Nothing can be done.